Give me a break (or two)

I pull up my socks, lace my shoes, stretch, and walk out the door. Movement is good. Forward movement is very, very good. Is there such a thing as TOO much forward movement? Le duh. We apparently are in the midst of one of the greatest energetic times in the history of the world. How do I know? Okay, maybe it's just me, but look around you - isn't almost everyone you know in some kind of turmoil? Had some kind of upset? Going through major change? Maybe it's just me - I don't think so.

I have never surfed, but I've seen surfers. They keep their balance, toes gripping the board, leaning forward to get their balance, all while riding on top of huge waves that threaten to smash them into bits or drown them if they don't know what they're doing. I got sick, my 11 year old got sick. He missed 5 days of school out of about 10. I left him home sick to go help my daughter with her blood clot she got after her knee surgery. I came home, my son got better, I felt better, and life seemed to be smoothing out.

I bought my son a longboard because we thought it would be fun. We bought a helmet because we believe in safety. I walked beside him so he could get his balance. Good good all good. But when I turned my back to load my car for yet another trip to Bismarck and cleaning up that house, he went to the school parking lot and broke both of his wrists. Now he sits, casted arms propped up on two pillows, watching "American Dad" while I type.

How much is too much? How much overwhelm can one person take? How do we approach stressful events so we don't totally combust? I don't know. I think I'm doing all right. But I don't play cello anymore, or learn Italian, or read. I still see clients. I wipe the dog hair off the stairs, and vacuum the living room, and do the laundry and dishes and cook dinner. And now I help my son put on his shoes, and get him ibuprofen, and put on his sweatshirt (both arms down, sleeves on, then arms up, put over head and pull down), and on.

Do I long for a vacation? I don't know. It's okay, really. I DID want a break, but this isn't what I had in mind, but as usual I don't believe in accidents. So what, then, could possibly be the point of all of this? I'm still not quite sure - release of control, loving detachment, acceptance, patience, fortitude, forbearance? I don't know I don't know I just don't know. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, mindful of where I am, mindful of my balance and body position, trying to stay on top of the wave as it continues to build. I only know I don't want to be smashed into the coral or caught in the waves as they pound pound pound. I trust that won't happen. But if anyone's out there listening, I really WOULD like a break, not a bone break, just a nice coffee, or warm sandy beach break, for a couple of weeks. Then I'll go back into the fray, I promise. IF you can find me.