Day 3 - It's a Really Big Shoe, Folks

Okay, shoe counting day. I'm nervous. More than nervous. Why? Because yesterday after I finished my purse counting I found 5 more bags stashed around the house; I even found one in the garage! What will this shoe day bring? I've decided to count all shoes, even my men's white Sorel boots I only wear for sledding. Am I ready? In a minute, but let's talk about what it's like to live in our bodies and on this earth and in the United States and with a fair amount of financial abundance. We can have more stuff than we need to survive. I keep remembering the documentaries I've seen of people in Africa that only own one outfit. They live in dirt huts and have almost nothing. No, their lives aren't easy, but why do I feel the need to have a lot of 'things', so much so that all weighs me down when I think about it? I sit and feel what that feels like, and I think I don't want to miss out on anything. If someone owns a cute bag, I feel like I'm missing out on a delicious part of life if I also don't own it. I also am guilty of what I call being a Country Club Woman. She is the one who has the wardrobe to dress expensively and walk confidently down the street. It's an energy thing. Sure, I only have ONE CCW outfit, but I certainly don't NEED those outer trappings to make me feel confident. It's an illusion, and I'm tired of illusions. I want only the Real Deal, whatever that will come to mean to me.

I look at my closet full of four Buffs and wonder why I ever even got one in the first place. Because my nephew had one, and he's super cool, and it looked super cool wrapped around his wrist, so if I buy one I'll be super cool. Super. Except he's only 18. I go onto the website and figure if one is good, 4 must be better. What would happen if I lost the one? Then I wouldn't have anything. Which is what I'd had 5 minutes ago, and I was fine. But now I KNOW about these miraculous Buffs and I KNOW my life will be better if I have some. My life will ALWAYS keep getting better the more stuff I own because one day then I'll own everything in the world and I will be one with the Universe (or something like that).

It makes no sense as I sit here and plunge the depths of my Susie Logic, yet somehow it does. It's not how I want to view life or ME anymore, though, so while I guess being conscious is the first step, action is the second step. So I prepare for the shoe count as I walk slowly upstairs, camera in hand. Will I need a calculator for this? I have no idea what I'll find because I have no idea what I've got. Hang on. I'll be back in an hour or so...this may take a while.

I'm back. I'm embarrassed. I'm horrified. Over 40 pair of shoes, but I'm sure some saw me coming and hid behind the boots. I used to only own 12 pair of shoes total. It's too much, and I think I just have too much of everything. I think my life is too large for me, but that's a story for another day.